Almost 1 year into a global pandemic.
4 days after getting power and water back in Texas.
My cup runneth over as they say. I try to be a good person. I like being kind and doing nice things for others. I believe in being a nice neighbor but also somewhat minding your own business. I admit that I’m SELFISH and that I know it. I’ve volunteered and wanted to help others since I was little. My parents cultivated that with keeping us active in church, youth groups and 4-H. There was no shortage of us “helping others” as I grew up and I never wanted for anything. If I wanted new roller skates (you know, the white boots with hot pink wheels), my parents said fine “save up your paper route money” and so I did. I bought those skates for I believe $130 which was a lot for a 13-year-old and I still have them to this day.
While this is beautiful to serve others, it fueled my privilege and lack of awareness about it. I grew up in Illinois. I loved my childhood – I was safe, loved, cared for and had wonderful family and friends. My grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins (some) were only 75 minutes away and we visited back and forth regularly to support each other on birthdays, anniversaries, graduations…funerals…until July 2020 but that’s for another article (I missed my Grandmother’s funeral thanks to COVID-19. I’m still not over it. I wish I could have been there to give her my gratitude and love and be with my family – especially my Dad and his siblings who have now lost both parents).
Anyway, last summer began a waking up so to speak. Like many, I was flooded with new information about the importance and reality of diversity, equity and inclusion. I was simultaneously like “right on!” and also like “WTF am I supposed to do with this new information?” and “Am I anti-racist enough?” Meanwhile the whole world is dealing with a global pandemic, racial injustice felt x 100 when really, it’s been since the inception of our country and we all lost jobs, daycare, social outlets and family visits.
I have never felt such a conflict of emotions at one time – I found a helpful article and wrote about it: Processing emotions during COVID-19: It may be grief you are feeling. TL; DR: GRIEF.
Others that have had traumatic experiences know the feelings of grief well and they lived with it every day. I consider myself lucky that I, at 42, was just now experiencing a state of constant grief. I was grieving last March 2020. I am grieving today.
I have to say though, after experiencing last week’s winter storm in the Austin, TX area (I think they named it Uri? I don’t know – we lost power and water and had limited news so I couldn’t care less what they named it), I am equal parts grateful and grieving. It’s foreign and I am navigating it.
I saw countless acts of kindness in Texas last week. Here are 10 off the top of my head:
1) Neighbors helping neighbors. Period. End of Story.
Teachers, Nurses, Local Government officials, volunteer organizations, Small Business Owners like Restaurants and Salons, Contractors like Plumbers, Electricians, etc. went out and helped neighbors as they could - offered free services. No questions asked. No media coverage.
2) Our Mayor (in our Austin suburb) worked tirelessly with his connections and partners to make sure his community received support whether it was food, water, power updates or what to do about the boil notice. He is in a volunteer position and I caught enough of his news via FB Live of all places – in between power outages! He appeared on MSNBC and CNN while my friends in the north posted (in my opinion) a large number of memes and critiques of Ted Cruz (again, that’s another article).
3) I had countless friends and family reach out – Text, Calls, FB Messenger, Whatsapp, Marco Polo (oh wait, not really – we didn’t have enough power). Some sent cashola unprompted. Some sent us help via our bank app so that went directly in to our checking account (Thank YOU – you saved us from over drafting our account – longer story but keep in mind if you are self-employed, you cannot submit invoices without power - yikes).
4) During the rotating blackouts, even though we didn’t really know what we were working with, we had 10-12 min of power regularly enough that our house never got below 58 (or 56?), we could heat up food and charge our devices. Our toddler lived her best life – limitless screen time and no school or baths! WOOT! While everyone complained about Texas energy being on its own grid and what was wrong with ERCOT, we were grateful that they kept us alive and safe in our own home (after we found out that NO HOTELS were available anywhere close enough to drive in the scary situation). This was not the case for all of Texas.
5) My neighbor offered to go out between the snowstorm and impending sleet to get critical groceries for the neighborhood (diapers, formula, dog food, etc. She took orders via our neighborhood FB group!). My daughter’s teacher went to Costco and bought critical groceries for her school families. We asked for food pouches because we were out and our three-year-old pretty much lives off them – ha ha. She wouldn’t accept repayment – she said it just felt good to get out help. (THEN my friend from Chicago offered to crochet Avery’s teacher a cowl neck scarf as a gift).
6) I received a candle from a friend from college that said “I’m trying to be awesome today but I’m exhausted from being awesome yesterday” that she said was delayed due to the storm and we laughed at how delightful it smelled and if I had received it a week earlier, I would have used it for light.
7) I used a debit card from my parents to buy us groceries while waiting on some delayed paychecks to come through (so 5 days after losing power and 2 days after losing water).
8) I mentioned the support sent to us unexpectedly…my best friend from growing up sent me some help via a well-known payment app because she’s in Denver and wanted to put together a care package but wanted it to get here faster…the same day she had to put down her 13-year-old sweet boy (dog). My friend from Chicago that I met 8 months before moving out of the state, sent me some funds electronically “for something fun”. My Chapter Leader partners for Mac & Cheese Productions collected donations and sent them immediately – I have never met many of them and the pandemic slowed down our working together but I cried when I saw the notification come in – totally unexpected the help and kindness from all over.
9) My place of work gave us the week off – updating us daily – to focus on our family and survival. My coworkers reached out to check on one another.
10) My husband has some serious winter skills that apparently, he hadn’t forgotten and I couldn’t have gotten through last week without him. This is definitely not the least important thing…I was feeling so grateful that as stuck as we were last week, I couldn’t imagine being stuck with anyone besides my husband, my daughter and my two cutest doggies on the planet. (The excess of blankets we moved down here with came in very handy!)
11) BONUS CONTENT: While power was out, my cell phone still worked (thank you AT&T towers?). I had lovely conversations with my parents, my Mother-in- Law, my Grandma (98 years old!), Uncles and cousins, friends from college and friends from previous jobs…Many had had experience living through hurricanes so they were understanding and supporting. They are also a mix of Democrats and Republicans and they are my family (some given to me and some chosen) and I love them all. I miss dinner table discussions over the constant shares on social media but man, it’s nice to be able to be connected any way.
My conflicting feelings continue – loving to help and then being on the other side of receiving help. It’s humbling. It’s beautiful. It’s graceful. It’s hard (this life) but my God, I wish all of you complaining or making fun of others could see the beauty I witnessed last week and hope to continue to pay it forward and shine my light. Even when the power is out.
Thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart to my support system. I am grieving our missed time together due to COVID and I am grateful for your friendship and helping when I didn’t even know I needed the help. Dang, y’all are smart and thoughtful and we appreciate you. From our little family to yours, Texas-sized virtual hugs. I cannot wait to share a margarita and chips & queso with you one day again! I think the laughter will be all the medicine I need.