August 11, 2023
This was what I wrote to share at my Dad’s Celebration of Life. Have a little Diet Coke while you read it, would ya? You might need a tissue and I hope you have a laugh.
Title: I've been meaning to tell you, Dad
Congratulations! You were the first man to love me AND the first man to break my heart. (All the heartbreak/crushes seem so stupid and trivial now. This one is real). Darin, you better not break my heart or I’ll have Dad haunt you ;).
In all seriousness, I have always known that I had a special connection and understanding of my Dad so I didn’t need him to die to teach me that. We have a unique unspoken agreement - like we didn’t have to say I love you but it was always so nice to hear. I’m sure we didn’t always like the choices the other one made and I knew instantaneously by his facial expression or body language that he was annoyed with me. Sometimes I talk too much for his liking. He didn’t need to verbally process like me (and Mom, wink). It was all going on upstairs in his highly intelligent brain. When he would speak, his one liners would leave me like “Damn. good point, Dad.” Why did he always seem so smart? He also would have mixed emotions about me being up here today. He was more private than I am and doesn’t want us sharing his health issues (which I will respect) but he also would be proud that I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by to share with you my perspective as his “favorite redheaded daughter”.
I am honored to have had a front row seat to watch him live life and be full of joy, silliness, seriousness and stubbornness…and when I think of him, it’s a quiet but solid presence with the warmest smile. I know not everyone was “let in” but please know he was too kind not to care about each and every one of you sitting here today.
I can’t quite explain it but I knew in my gut that this was going to be the last episode(s) of the Jerry Bell show. But just like Friends or Seinfeld, he lived up until the very end (Mom can tell you the things he was doing which were so typical Jerry).
Thank you to the love and support from our family & friends, it doesn’t feel unbearable albeit it’s really hard to lose him…I hate being sad and grief is my least favorite emotion so I am trying to honor the waves of grief as they crash and recede. I also enjoy the immense feelings of gratitude that he was mine and his love for me, Mom, Jason, Katie, Nate, Darin and Avery (and of course you family and friends here today) doesn’t go away with his passing.
I thought a lot about what I wanted to share when he died (we Bells are overthinkers, ya know) so let me give a little background. I’ve been to some funerals and always found it to be amazing when a family member would share a little bit more about the person and their life. You’ve seen his obituary (which is wildly impressive) but let me tell you how he was the most amazing DAD. He was my DAD. Not Hall of Famer, not nationally recognized for athletic training, but MY Dad.
I was born on my Dad’s 29th birthday.
He loved to remind me of this and say that he never had another birthday because of…well…ME. I love that one of his last texts to me was how he was so excited Avery and I were coming to visit for our bdays this year. He would never admit it and I knew when we talked in March that he didn’t want me to think for a second that he would ever “give up”. But his body gave up. That was not his choice.
How do I share the impact of my Dad’s life with you? I will give you a glimpse of his THOUGHTFULNESS. You know, parents/guardians teach you a lot of things by their words “do this like this or that” or the infamous “GD, because I said so.”
They also teach you a lot by their actions…so here are 10 things that Jerry did through thoughtfulness (by no stretch of the imagination is this comprehensive… I could give 1K examples). I hope it gives ideas on how to be more thoughtful – with loved ones or even strangers.
I must also give credit to my Mom (look at her). You and Dad were a special pair and I have had amazing relationships with both of you. I feel like you made eachother better. And while you irked each other from time to time, it was also beautiful to see your friendship and the navigation of your 50 years of marriage. You always helped me navigate the seasons of life because you had been there before and made it through. Thank you, Mom and I’m sorry this is hard for you…I trust you know he loved you more than anyone else on this planet. Maybe even galaxy.
Top 10:
He stood up for me at Crystal Lake pool when a kid was teasing me - age 8. I wasn’t even embarrassed. I was like, Dang, my dad is a badass.
Bringing me my violin to school when I forgot it in 5th grade
Reminding me it was time to get up for high school after mom left for work in Monticello, not being TOO MAD when I was running late because my God, I still hadn’t curled my bangs and the infrequent mental health day he gave me without asking Mom first
He made it a priority on their travel list to visit us in Texas at least 2x/year and sometimes SURPRISE! More! [eye roll]
He sent Pajamas, gifts, and handwritten cards regularly to Miss Avery. His last one (5 days before going into the last hospital visit) was a card that if she needed a shoulder or ears, he had two of both. PAUSE.
Every Christmas, he would sneak in practical gifts for Darin and me - you know, deicers, headlamps, flashlights, illini gloves, night vision glasses
SO MANY EMAILS with either a funny/positive meme or the simple typed message “Don’t let the BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN…BITCHES TOO!!!”
I wanted to do a dance medley for our father-daughter dance at Darin’s and my wedding and so I sent him a YouTube video of an example (6 songs; 30 seconds each). He didn’t even hesitate nor ask any questions. We never practiced. We just did it and I think he hurt his back at the end.
I found out later he had been practicing on his own by watching the YouTube video and didn’t even tell my Mom <3
He and Mom came down to watch baby Avery daily for 3 months when I had to go back to work. He brought down an old lawn chair/rocker and cushion to sit and rock her in - never once complaining about our tiny townhome.
I saw him fight for his life. Literally. How THOUGHTFUL that he didn’t want us to know how much he had suffered and was suffering.
Our last 1:1 in person conversation in June included “Your Mom’s going to need more support than I do.” and “yes, I know that.” “Love ya, Punk”
SO, while we mourn the loss of Jerry today…we thank GOD for his powerful presence and how he lived BIG from 1949-2023. He made a huge impact on my life and I’m assuming all of us here. While I’m sorry he didn’t let some of you in, please remember him for his THOUGHTFULNESS. The Jerry Bell Show had to end but we honor his bright light and his love for living, giving and not letting the BASTARDS keep him down…BITCHES too. LOL
I love you, Dad. I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. I keep thinking “Mission completed”. I know you didn’t want to go. Neither did I. You’ve been an honorable servant of the Lord. I hope you’re at a buffet in heaven with delicious food and loved ones that have gone before you. I will spread your THOUGHTFULNESS. When we meet again, I trust you’ll greet me with your big smile, a warm DAD hug and some 1-2 sentences punch that will just make so much sense to me and you.
Love, Erin (aka Punkin aka Punk aka EEB aka EEBW)